Good morning mutha fuckers
Many names I do keep
From Peperami to Papa
The Snowman to Pistol Pete.
I have a face that looks familiar
I look like many others
Beaker from the Muppets
And some other non good lookers.
The skinny one from The Office
That bloke from Home Alone
That Tory politician
The one that’s skin ’n’ bone.
Rory Stewart is his name
He’s suffering bum grapes too
Generally it’s not a problem
Only when I poo.
I’ll give a Foosball master class
When playing at the back
But don’t put me up front
I’m really shit in attack.
I like to find a bargain
On Freecycle or eBay
I’ll buy food almost out of date
Because full price I’ll not pay.
I like to play practical jokes
Careful if you retaliate
The rule of four will be enforced
And I won’t hesitate.
Because I’m a big kid really
The Au pair has her work cut out
It is not just the kids
Who throw tantrums, scream and shout.
But when it is necessary
I can indeed be quite the pro
Wear my waistcoat to look the part
It’s honestly not for show.
Because I am taking over
One department at a time
One day I’ll be at the top
The corporate ladder I will climb.
And when I’m sitting pretty
They’ll be foosball in every room
We might not get TEF Gold again
And I’ll get the sack quite soon.
But for the moment I’ll carry on
Writing verses from time to time
Not all of them will be accurate
And not all of them will rhyme.
So the Phantom Poet has struck again
But you knew it was me from the beginning
Because I constantly have a guilty look
And can’t stop myself from grinning.
But here it ends they’ll be no more
Rhymes will no longer appear
I just want to wish you merry Christmas
And an extremely happy New Year!
